They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
