my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
