Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
