I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
