Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
