it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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