Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
