Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
