wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
