She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
