the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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