Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You ruined the universe
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
