Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
