maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
