Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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