Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
