I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize