she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All the doctor said was why
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
