Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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