i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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