I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
