oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
