you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
