You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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