Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she woke up with a sticky ear
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
