I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
