that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
