He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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