My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
