My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
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Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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