you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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