Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
