I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
