Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
