so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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