I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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