My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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