Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
