ADVERTISEMENT

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.

  Fav 8 1736 748

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.

  Fav 13 1081 2789

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (714): View more from California

  Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

  Fav 17 1026 5993

  share tweet
  

• (319): View more from Iowa

  just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.

  Fav 6 4361 1038

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment

  Fav 13 5514 1100

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly

  Fav 6 1145 3931

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (281): View more from Texas

  I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.

  Fav 16 5169 1255

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.

  Fav 5 1157 1903

  share tweet
  

• (925): View more from California

  you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed

  Fav 11 1269 1975

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night

  Fav 3 2348 822

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome

  Fav 4 2800 884

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.

  Fav 4 1540 991

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"

  Fav 4 1060 732

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.

  Fav 0 729 605

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?

  Fav 1 58 11

  share tweet
  

Randomize