you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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