the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
