Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
