had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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