Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize