The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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