All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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