He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
