It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
