the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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