You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
