Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
