I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
