I'm jealous of your bromance
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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