this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
