just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
