i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
