I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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