Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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