last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
