I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
