i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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