I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
