Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
