never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
