i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
