I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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