After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
