I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have post one night stand depression
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
