I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was born a porn star she said
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
