I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
