Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Randomize
