And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
