You're a womanizer and a bitch.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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