They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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