It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
