im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
her vagine was all disorganized.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
