Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
