so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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