What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
