Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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